Abi's Arrival

January 2009, I took leave and fly to Kochi. I only saw Abi in photos but it may not be difficult to find out her from the crowd. When I landed in Chennai I have seen the Jet Airways taking off. She must be in that flight. After one hour I reached Kochi airport. I called her, she was sitting in front of the prepaid taxi services. She looks like north east Indian. She was wearing a big sun glass. She waved her hands. After taking the languages I walked towards her. I could see the tiredness in her face. I welcomed her to india by giving a Cadberry's chocolate bar. Cadberry's branded their chocolates in India as a symbol of love, friendship, affection like that. Last evening I could bye that only for her. I wanted to bye one flower but I could not. I thought she might be misunderstanding the flower! There are cultural differences in these kind of formal and informal ways of greetings.

We have taken a taxi from Kochi to Kottayam. Only Ambassador cars were available. That is one of the oldest car brand in India, originated from a British model. Still ministers like this only. Many say it is the safest car available in India. But youngsters don't like its old face and body. We stopped at Kochi city to buy few Indian ladies wear for Abi. We visited Kalyan. She was amazed by seeing Indian ethic style. She was trying different churidars. Most of them were costliest in the showroom. Like small kid she was walking in between collections of cloths. One sales girl was helping her. She was smiling at me. When Abi went to the trial room sales girl asked me, 'did you taken her to your house?!' 'No, why?' Next question came 'When is your marriage?!' 'Ha! She is my friend. There is nothing other than that' 'Are you sure? Mm.. I thought she is your lover!' I was laughing on her doubt. Abi came out. After that we started our journey to Kottayam. The driver was a chat box, so the time has gone. I was explaining Abi about Kerala. Meanwhile she had mentioned about one of the Kerala boyfriend she had. But she did not shown interest in talking anything about that. She was telling about the historical connections Kerala and Ilocos supposed to had. She loved Kerala. She plans to settle down some where near to Thiruvananthapuram. After seeing the schools she can decide where she can be. She wanted the children to become soccer players. I was not sure that how they can achieve that if they are in India. India is not good in football even though we like the game. Kerala is one of the state leading in football.

We reached the hotel in the evening.

Love with Dapu

I was thinking about the past. I born and brought up in a middle class family. I struggled a lot to reach this level in my life. Now I am a Marketing Manager of big educational brand, in charge of Bangalore center. 10 years ago I was selling household products to get money for my graduation studies. Work and study it became a life style. Took Masters in Psychology. Unfortunately could not completer research in M.Phil. I have gone to Andaman and Nicobar islands after Tsunami to help people. I was in an educational project. I met Dapu online.

The hard way of my life made me to keep distance from enjoying life. I was silent. I was disciplined. I did not go for drinks. I did not mis-utilized the freedom given by God. But now I feel I was so strict to my life and others life. I have forgotten to enjoy life. It may be one of the reason Dapu left me. Pinoys are so westernized. They focus into happiness and enjoyment. And me? Old man! Old monk! Old junk! I was 27 in that time. But beings a 'good guy' was following few rules in my life. But now I feel, who wants good guys? Who will love serious guys? Indeed serious and silent people love more than sweet tongued men. But the difference is sweet tongued men shows, act love and silent guys will not show that. It is their failure. But trust me. They are so good. They are so reliable. They will not cheat you.

I was calling Dapu many times in a day. I wanted her presence always. I don't know how many times I was emailing in a day, how many times I was chatting, and calls and text messages. I loved her too much. I felt as if she was a part of my soul. I have seen the Goddess in her. She was so nice. But always she told me 'she is bad, she is a sinner'. I never like negative statements. But she continued this and the old song 'search an another woman'.

We decided to meet and get married on 2007 December. When I visited Head Office I asked the Executive Director transfer from Andaman and Nicobar Islands to Goa. I thought it would be difficult for Dapu to live in that Tsunami affected islands. More over I will not be there in Port Blair always. I had to travel to many islands. But the Executive director rejected my application. I was one of the best employee in that NGO. I was in a dilemma. Goa was good for Dapu since she is a Christian. Goa is having good number of Christian since it was a French colony. I decided to resign and start my own NGO in Goa.

I came back to Kerala and started LF. Mean time Dapu stopped contacting me. I was so afraid. I did not know what was happening. Her mobile was switched off. I was like caged lion. Days gone. One day I received call from a gulf country. It was Dapu! I was so angry at her. First of all I was against Muslims and working in Muslim countries. I heard few people saying Filipinas working in Gulf were having a free style living. Going with more than one man and partying. All these and her hidden plan to visit Gulf made me so angry. I was shouting at her for more than one hour. She was crying. Now I feel I am cruel... I am cruel... I am a sinner... I love her too much...

2008 Christmas Day

Christmas day, 2008, I was sitting in my home checking emails. I have seen Abi online. I chatted with her. She wanted to come to India. She is an American Filipina of 31 years old married to an American 63 years old. Since her husband is so abusive she wanted her children to pursue their schooling in India. And she wanted to settle down in Kerala. Her Ilocos blood always made her to search the ancestors from Southern India. Before Spaniards, when Mahapajit and Sri Vijaya Kingdoms were ruling Philippines they were having the mixed culture of Southern Indians and Austronesians. Abi believed in the Indian blood in Filipinos. At last she decided to come and see the 'God's own country' Kerala.

I sent email to my missing girl friend, Dapu regarding Abi's visit. I did not get any reply. Dapu was not replying to my emails for few months after she left Dubai. I did not know what is happening. She was in Cebu in June when the typhoon hit the coasted areas of Cebu. I did not know that whether she is living or not. It was so hurting to me being unknown about the things happening. But I continued sending her emails hoping that she is safe and living there some where. Even though we loved each other very much she was against marriage and living together! She always told me to search an Indian girl. Dapu was elder to me. That was main reason for her request to search another girl. But I always insisted her to meet first then decide. It was a two years old online, we never met in real life. Instead we have seen each other in web cams. I loved her very much. Her love has a motherly touch. Men when it coming to choosing the life partner they unconsciously compare with their mother. If you ask men to compare their sweet heart's and mother's behavior and characteristics the similarities will be many. I feel many men wants to child! But because of the social pressure they are acting. More than six months I am sending emails to Dapu. After few months I started getting her emails replies. One or two words or one sentences. She continued the old song 'search an Indian girl'. But I never thought of an Indian girl. I hated the word 'search an Indian girl'.

I was waiting for Dapu's email. Because I had to help Abi to different schools. I just wanted to tell her. Filipinas call Indian guys Virgins. Before doing anything we share that with the partner even small small things. I considered Dapu as my own. I dreamed walking in the moonlight on the chocolate hills along with her.

I was so happy when I have seen the email of Dapu. I was thrilled to open her email. My eyes run through her email..... 'I am with my husband, forget me'..... Dapu is with her husband! I was in a different mood. Absent minded. I was having a selfish love. I wanted her presence always. Now.... I am not under those men who can tell 'if my wife is going with somebody let her go'! Mind was traveling in to the past. Our talks, our small wishes, our fights.... I hated me. I hated me for being angry with her for many times. Now she ignored me totally. I hate me...